I watched the sky morph into vibrant orange as daylight was coming to an end. I took it upon myself to take a trip to my favorite forest. I always love going on walks there and being surrounded by the calmness of nature. There, everything is a wave of peace, and the only noises heard are the sounds of the soft wind echoing along with the trees. For me, the forest is my safe space. It's the only place where I can truly be alone with my thoughts.
The forest is just a few miles away from my home, so I decided to walk. As I arrived at my destination, I could see thick fog emerging from the forest’s path. I followed the trail until I reached my usual spot. My typical spot was incredible. There were moss-covered trees, and these beautiful red and yellow flowers coated the ground. They smelled so fresh and floral, almost like they just bloomed. Fire flys were painting the sky, lighting it up more with each flutter of their wings. The atmosphere was captivating and made me delighted being in its presents. I watched as the birds began flying to their nests for sleep and how the owls were just waking up. I listened to their soft coos and whistles as they started their nightly hunts.
All was well until I heard an unfamiliar noise. It sounded like a door creaking back and forth. I decided to go check it out and see if I could locate its origin. As I walked through the forest, the fog seemed to get thicker and thicker. I was worried. What if it’s dangerous? I thought to myself. With each step, the sound increased, reaching louder than ever. Then suddenly, it stopped. I could no longer hear the mysterious creaking but instead deafening silence which intimidated me even more. From a distance, I could see a closed red door. In front of the door lay blush-toned cherry blossom flowers. A door? In the middle of the forest? I began to think. Now I was intrigued. I had to figure out what was behind that door, even if it scared me.
As soon as my hand touched the doorknob, I got chills, and an unfamiliar feeling coated my body. I started to regret my choices immensely. After all, I had no idea what was behind that door, and it wasn't safe for me to keep trying to find out. I was in way over my head. Before I could even release my hand from the knob and walk away, the door swung open, revealing a whole new forest. I could see massive cherry blossom trees wrapped with gorgeous pink petals upon every branch. There were thick green bushes encircled with flowers everywhere. The atmosphere was quite enchanting, and I wanted nothing more than to walk inside. When will I ever come across something as unique as this again? I thought to myself. Even though I knew I shouldn’t have, I walked inside. Immediately the door shut behind me, and I was now left inside a whole new reality.
Everything was more dynamic and vibrant. The sky was painted with pink, purple, and orange hues, although it was still light outside. The air was more transparent, and the grass was greener. Even the animals seemed happier here. White doves danced in the sky, traveling with grace. They looked like little baby angels coming down from heaven. I could see deer running in the distance along the hills, so I decided to follow them. I tracked along the perfect paw prints left in the dirt and found them at a watering hole. The water was luminous turquoise and completely crystal clear. Now massive willow trees were surrounding the area with big emerald leaves. Vines hung along the branches paired with purple jasmine dangling down. The deers were drinking soundly when another animal approached. I could hear each move of its hooves rustling through the leaves. Its shadow grew bigger and bigger until the animal-like creature was revealed. It was a deer but with two heads. I was absolutely terrified. As it reached the watering hole, every deer stepped back and stopped drinking. Even the other animals are afraid? I started to think. I was filled with fear and immediately ran.
I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, jumping over tons of logs and branches in the meantime. When I could see the cherry blossom trees, I knew I was ultimately getting close. As I reached them, I quickly began looking for the red door. After what felt like hours of searching, I finally found it. The door made me feel safe this time as my hand latched onto the doorknob. A familiar scent coated my nose as it opened, and I knew I was home. I could smell the essence of the fresh red and yellow flowers. I walked back to the moss-covered trees and finally caught my breath. I was safe.
Madi,
ReplyDeleteYour blog is beautifully written and the use of descriptive lexis and adjectives exceeds average lexical choices. The use of adjectives that describe how the forest becomes eerie and mysterious help the reader visualize the forest being described. The writer's description of the approaching fog and their thoughts, "What if it's dangerous?" helps the readers to feel the same sense of fear and anxiety that the writer is trying to convey. These phrases and the use of descriptive lexis contribute to 'the range of language including complex structures and less common lexis'. Throughout your story you clearly express your mood and feelings towards the forest's eeriness which creates a clear image of the forest being described. The events are structured chronologically and your writing stays relevant to the prompt for the most part. I advise against straying away from the focus of the prompt which is the forest and using more lexis that illustrate a sense of mystery. Your story uses a wide range of language and expresses the prompt sophisticatedly. The slow unfolding of events keeps the audience engaged and the story paints a vivid image for the reader.
I enjoyed the descriptive word choice and use of adjectives to create an eerie atmosphere. The story had vivid imagery and engaged the audience but lost focus of the prompt at times.
20/25
Hi Madison,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your blog on the forest. It was very well written. Your choice of lexical choices were exceptional and used properly. Your description of the forest and all of the things surrounding you were described perfectly, for example you said “Fireflies were painting the sky, lighting it up more with each flutter of their wings.” This was my favorite line that you had written because it gives off such a peaceful feeling while reading it. I would give you a high level 4 (19/25) because there is room for improvement. For next time, I only would suggest adding more excitement and things that aren't expected into your writing, yes stay on topic about the forest but add things that would put the reader in shock. You fully achieved the “task is achieved well, content is relevant.” Overall, great job !!
hi
ReplyDeleteHey Madi,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your paper. Your thoughts seemed to flow well. Based on your paper I could tell that you had a plan before you started to write. Overall, I would give you a level 4 (16 marks). You had a detailed understanding of the prompt, as you did exactly what the prompt asked. I am giving you a high level 4 because you had clear expressions, range of language, and complex sentences.
Throughout your paper, I only noticed occasional errors, but there weren eros that limited my ability to understand what you were saying. The structure, organization, and ideas of the text were developed in an effective manner. I liked the fact that you were very creative with your writing. For example, ¨Before I could even release my hand from the knob and walk away, the door swung open, revealing a whole new forest. I could see massive cherry blossom trees wrapped with gorgeous pink petals upon every branch.¨ This was one of my favorite parts of your paper because you were very creative.
Your writing was very detailed and descriptive. Throughout the text, I noticed that you were super descriptive. It was important to be descriptive because the prompt was asking you to be descriptive and you did a great job, for example, ¨It sounded like a door creaking back and forth.¨ Great job!!