1a. Writing Leaflet
Oak Ridge Highschool
Our school is a family. We all support each other and strive for excellence here. We never give up when things get hard, and we always show perseverance. Our students are among the smartest in the state, and we are the third high school overall. Here we believe in a family of learning.
What To Know Before Attending Our School
At Oak Ridge High, there are some strict rules which must be followed.
(1) Dress code. The dress code here consists of khaki shorts/pants along with a white, black, or blue polo shirt. You must wear close-toed shoes, and no slippers or boots are allowed.
(2) Backpacks. Only clear backpacks are permitted here. No drawstring, stack-pack, or bags with wheels are allowed.
(3) Cell phone policy. Cell phones are allowed here, and students may use them as they please. However, they are expected to place them into designated containers during tests/quizzes and to keep them silent at all times.
(4) Attendance. Each student is allowed nine absences per semester – eighteen days a year. Any student to succeed this number will receive a notice from truancy.
(5) Discipline. Here we expect our students to show respect and follow the rules given to them. Disobedience of any restrictions listed in the School Rule Pamphlet will receive punishment – after-school detention along with OSS and ISS. More severe acts of defiance will result in expulsion.
How Oak Ridge Works
Here we go by an eight-class a day schedule. As students arrive, they go to their first-period class and wait for announcements until the real session beginnings. After dismissing from your fourth subject of the day, you attend lunch. At Oak Ridge, we have two areas for eating; our school-wide cafeteria, which is located in building one, along with the school-wide courtyard that is located in the middle of our campus. After lunch, students go to their other classes and are dismissed. School begins at 7:30 am and ends at 2:45 pm.
Advice From A Current Student
Before your first day, I’d advise you to relax and surround yourself with peace. The community here is accepting of everyone and maintaining kindness is our number one priority. I know the fear some of you may feel because you are coming to a new school, but I assure you that Oak Ridge is the right choice.
1b. Reflective Commentary
I included numerous leaflet requirements and key components. I established a tone, included key details, created large headlines, and wrapped everything up with a concluding statement. I offered an effective understanding of the school and any incoming students would find this leaflet helpful.
My linguistic choices contributed to the fulfillment of the brief because they gave in-depth attributes. In headline one, I focused on what my high school stands for; perseverance and excellency. I gave my school a name, Oak Ridge Highschool, to make it feel more tangible to readers. In headline two my main emphasis was trying to give a brief listing of the school rules and expectations the administration holds. I did this in a form of a list. I recorded each rule one by one and gave a small description of each. Headline three’s central highlight was the class schedule of my school. This gives new, incoming students a chance to prepare themselves for their first day. It gives them a sense of direction so that they may not be lost. Lastly, headline four’s concentrates on advice and priority in the school. My advice was to ‘relax’, and the mentioned school priority was, ‘kindness.’ In this headline, my concluding sentence was portrayed; “I know the fear some of you may feel because you are coming to a new school, but I assure you that Oak Ridge is the right choice.”, this not only offers hope for students but also security.
Firstly, I would like to mention that your leaflet is very well structured and shows that you clearly understood what the question was asking. This structure would be useful to a new student as you include points on the rules at said school. These rules are mentioned briefly. The leaflet also includes a main heading: 'Welcome to Your New School', as well as subheading according to each topic within paragraphs. One thing that I would mention is that the leaflet should have been written in the second person. Your opening paragraph mentions 'Our school is a family', and your rules state things like 'students may use'. I think it would have been more beneficial if you were more personal with your audience. The sentences also did not have to be complete.
ReplyDeleteOverall, your leaflet was very well structured and organized; it is just the little things that are deep within what the question is really asking. I would give 10 marks.
To start, your commentary felt more like a summary rather than notes on the things you did well or the things you needed to work on. Your first paragraph does mention that you include large headlines and that the incoming students would find the leaflet helpful, however there was no further explanation with any of this. The only part where you show how the writer's stylistic choices relate to the audience and shape meaning is briefly in the last paragraph, stating 'offers hope for students but also security.' I would suggest focusing more on how you make your audience feel and describing how you used, or would use, form structure and language to do this.
Overall, your commentary was short and could have been less of a summary. I would score 3 marks. You did not really analyze anything besides the descriptions and headlines you used.
1a) 9/15 I feel that you were very clear throughout your entire leaflet, even if this did involve some repetition. You were repetitive in stating “here” a lot throughout your second paragraph, but this still did not impede on your communication. I believe your second paragraph was communicated best with the reader through a list. I didn’t even think of using a list. I think it’s great that you laid out the rules in a list format, because this made the form and structure that much more straightforward. Additionally, your heading and subheadings contribute to the organization of your text very well. It allows the reader to know exactly what you are outlining, and the main idea of each paragraph. That is exactly how a leaflet should be written. I also believe that you accomplished the task, but you could have connected your text back to the prompt more. You didn’t necessarily connect your text back to the prompt until you wrote about your own advice. You state, “Before your first day…” which directly relates to the prompt as the prompt is about preparing the student. If you used connections like this at the end of each of your paragraphs this would be very beneficial. I also believe that this last paragraph is the strongest in connecting back to the audience. You are able to use the work “you” to address them. Again, if you used connections like this in each of your paragraphs this would help.
ReplyDelete1b) 4/10 I believe that your analysis was very limited. To begin, the structure was written in two blocks. There should be a minimum of three paragraphs, as you need to address language, form and structure. This also decreases the readability of your commentary. Even within your first paragraph you bring up your usage of “tone…, key details, (and) large headlines”. This is great, but you need more of an explanation to go off of each of these. For instance, ‘tone’ could have been its own paragraph. Your second paragraph is all about the headlines, which is great, but I feel this paragraph could have been briefer. You could have given examples of some of your headlines and stated the purpose, and that’s it. I also believe it would have been beneficial if you had a completely separate paragraph stating how you addressed the audience, This would make it even clearer to the grader.